I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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