i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
