textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
