Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
