My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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