I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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