i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize