I wannas sexs uuuuu
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize