You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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