Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
zippers are such a cool invention
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
