i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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