he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
