he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
