Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
