When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize