The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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