well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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