You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
