Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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