Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
