so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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