just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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