I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Randomize