Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
