i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
