what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
