all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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