Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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