So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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