: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
