im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
