so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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