I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
