at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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