I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
