Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
