Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize