As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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