The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
