So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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