It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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