when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
