So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
