Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She told me I should be a condom model.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize