No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
