i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
