OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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