i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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