So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
operation have a gay friend backfired
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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