I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
