***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
