Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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