I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im six kinds of drunk right now
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
