i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
