i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize