I got chris browned last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
