Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize