i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
