took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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