my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
