At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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