Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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