There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
