The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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