I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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