I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
