Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The best revenge is premature balding
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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