Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize