Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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