MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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