piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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