On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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