Duck Duck Cougar?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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