I murdered the dance floor call the cops
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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