I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
